Recanting Holzhof

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believer and knew that I was saved, small coincidences that made too much sense convinced me of interaction with the Holy Spirit and I was interested in practicing the Fruits Of The Spirit, but like an alcoholic once said to me, one day he realized that all the people he called friends were drinking buddies who he had nothing in common with outside of the bar, that’s sort of where I was spiritually and socially. Everyone I knew went to church all of the time, shunned secular entertainment and art and literature claiming Jesus is all that you need, and I was just not buying it. Why after all would God create so much amazing stuff and allow so many incredibly talented people to make miraculous activities and innovations if He didn’t enjoy them too.

After all, the most popular verse in the Bible says For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son. Couldn’t that mean that like us who are made in His image He was tempted by the ways of the world. I know that somewhere in the Good Book it says to not tempt the Lord, I believe Jesus said it when resisting Satan and quoting the book of Duteronomy to him.

As I felt like Belle in the beginning of Beauty And The Beast yearning for more while surrounded by people who demanded to have so much less for fear of losing focus on their faith. Is that even real faith at that point? Monks got away from society and were known for dealing with the isolation and solitude by making beer or wine and drinking heavily.

Alternative Agenda

Traveling is what I really wanted to do, I had grown accustomed to coming to America from Papua New Guinea nearly every year, and on our final trip to stay in America for forever the family did an epic road trip from California to Georgia

It had been nearly four years since I had traveled other than a mission trip to Antigua with my Youth Group.

The final year of high school was a blur, I mostly remember getting a job at a hardware store that was going out of business. I was the only high schooler and was able to work regular hours because I was being homeschooled and passed all of my tests with ease.. Everyone else that was working at the store were well into adulthood and concerned about where they would be working next and as a result they loathed the optimism of my youth and would designate me to all of the menial tasks no one wanted to do. What I remember most about working there is the day some chemicals were spilled in the garden section and the fumes ate the material of my cargo shorts which had holes in them by the time I got home.

Also collecting empty shopping carts alone in a massive empty parking lot at night is an experience that is better forgotten than dwelt upon.

It’s not only that I wanted to travel and see the world that motivated me to attend Bible School. I had become a

It wasn’t long before he lost momentum, satisfied that he had said all there was to say about the subject without pushing too hard. Then he switched subjects, telling me about a Christian musician named Kieth Green whose story and music played a part in making him who he is to this day. He gave me a book about Kieth Green and assured me I would enjoy the story and like the music, then he left.

He was right, I immensely enjoy the Kieth Green story and immersed myself in his music.

It didn’t take long after looking up Torchbearer’s International that I knew it was the next thing I wanted to do even though it meant being around more church oriented people.

I threw myself into working to save up for traveling and general costs, focused on finishing my last year of high school and applied to attend Bodenseehof in Germany where they taught the Old Testament, then travel Europe for a while before Attending Taurnhof in Austria where the curriculum would go through the New Testament.

Say This by Paul Lock https://www.shazam.com/track/109126690/say-this?referrer=share

My parents really wanted me to go to college and I really did not want to go into debt for a job I might hate, and the talks of vocational education came up more than once. This roundabout form of communication, a perpetual Catch-22 with no foreseeable ceasefire added at least a year to my teenage years, but to my credit I stood strong in my perseverance to not commit, then one day a man came to visit me.

This visitor came to our home with the soul purpose of convincing me of something he strongly believed in and was genuinely convinced I would enjoy, which to my chagrin he was right and his visit for the hour or so that I met and spoke with him had probably the most lasting affect on my life that anyone can with an agenda can ever hope to achieve.

He was down to earth, didn’t ask me to pray with him in some flowery language not found I t the Bible but prevalent among Americans and I didn’t get the impression that he attends many of those holding hands in prayer before an event moments that a lot of people I met at church would do.

So, hesitantly I listened to his spiel.

He spoke with passion and was adamant that he had greatly enjoyed his time at a Bible School through an organization called Torchbearers International Bible Schools and he said the best part was that I could attend the school anywhere in the world that they had a location and that the teaching was sound doctrine but more importantly he was able to explore his faith before going on to college and doing what he was going to do for the rest of his life.

A Step In The Right Direction

Let the damned be damned, let the dead bury their dead Luke 14:26 states “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

When I was really young someone told me that I wanted to be a police officer when I grow up and they told everyone I knew that I wanted to be a cop so people wouldn’t ask me what I want to do when I grow up, they would tell me being a police officer is a good job.

After being set up by someone working with the police and a friend being advised to not become a police officer because she’s pretty and they’d probably have her pose as a prostitute setting up John’s I became disillusioned with the idea and knew I would never go into debt for a job like that.

“Say your prayers, little one, don’t forget, my son

To include everyone

I tuck you in, warm within, keep you free from sin

‘Til the Sandman, he comes

Sleep with one eye open

Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light

Enter night

Take my hand

We’re off to never-never land”

Enter Sandman – Metallica

Christian literature was all this bookworm could get his hands on in the remote jungle village of Dahamo.

I had a new found faith of simply believing and only Christian influence for fun, it was what is commonly called a Christian Bubble, no one cursed, no one drank, no one watched R rated movies, no one had inappropriate humor and I felt as though I was trapped in a society of people who were neutered for the sake of some perception of utopian idealism. It was like going from color tv to only black and white slideshows, but I got to spend as much free time as I wanted around the church people so I persevered and excelled at what I was allowed to do and joined their TaeKwonDo class, went to Wednesday night Youth Group Sunday school in the morning and sat in service on Sunday nights with my friends, not because I had just become a Christian and wanted to learn more, I already knew most of the Bible stories and had most sermons take on a topic. I just wanted something to do that wasn’t work or lounging around home.

The Tae Kwon Do class was somewhat of a phenomenon it went from a relatively small group of teens when I joined to hosting members such as a NASA engineer who showed me green lasers he could shine on the moon, an Air Force One pilot and his kids, the MCO Orlando International Airport heed air traffic controller and the man who wrote the Navy Seals training programs as well as the the school becoming associated with Senior Grand Master Edward B. Sell the highest ranking non oriental martial artist in the world all attending the church classes.

I also identified with King David in the Bible, the moment he was free from the sphere of influence of people pressuring him his whole life to live up to a reputation others held in high esteem it’s not surprising that he had a live in harem and danced so hard all of his clothes fell off in public, who did these men have to impress? All through their youth it had been impressed upon them by people impressed with them that God had some greater purpose for them specifically.

“Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne, she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah”

• Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright

I grew up well versed in the Bible and read The Picture Bible through several times as a kid in Papua New because

After getting arrested and changing schools I threw myself into working odd jobs and the only approved recreational activity bestowed upon me was time at church, which in hindsight I consider to be somewhat misguided and an overreaction, most Americans don’t join groups like the Fun American Young Dudes who were hell bent on their own demise via the unrestrained pursuit of fun, which I now know to be a right called The Pursuit of Happiness.

With church and church friends my only outlet for entertainment during my final teenage years I felt a bit like Samson set aside for Gods purpose by the will of others in his life and could completely identify with his deviation from the faith and traditions of his religion when he was older and didn’t have authority figures thinking they were doing God’s Word by guiding him in the ways of their understanding of the faith.

“Hey there, Delilah

What’s it like in New York city?

I’m a thousand miles away

But, girl, tonight you look so pretty

Yes, you do”

• Hey there Delilah by The Plain White T’s